


The Yellow Pillow

by chickensink



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Carm is a big softie who secretly craves intimacy, F/F, Masturbation, Smut, Yellow Pillow, fluff and then smut, they both hella thirsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 18:56:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chickensink/pseuds/chickensink
Summary: Carmilla was used to being alone. It had stopped bothering her a couple hundred years ago. But then . . . Laura.At first she was just equal parts cute and annoying. She made Carmilla’s skin itch and burn, and having someone so close in her shared space was suffocating. But the longer Laura stuck around — the longer Laura kept trying, the more Carmilla started to think that her skin was burning because Laura wasn't close enough. And it scared her.It scared her to want. It scared her to need. But Laura was always there, and Carmilla was drowning in her.AKAWe all know why Care was stealing that yellow pillow in Season 1. What happens when Laura interrupts?





	The Yellow Pillow

**Author's Note:**

> I have never written anything before, so . . . this is my first attempt? It's kinda free-flow writing, and I didn't edit it like at all. So feel free to yell at me in the comments for sloppiness or if it's horrid.

It started innocently enough . . . or maybe not. Carmilla’s lived long enough, seen and done enough things to have long since abandoned notions of purity — especially when applied to herself. She’s a selfish person. She knows that. She’s made peace with that. 

But when it started, she was being selfish in little ways that seemed harmless enough. She was only pushing at the smaller boundaries in the beginning.

Carmilla was used to being alone. It had stopped bothering her a couple hundred years ago. But then . . . Laura.

At first she was just equal parts cute and annoying. She made Carmilla’s skin itch and burn, and having someone so close in her shared space was suffocating. But the longer Laura stuck around — the longer Laura kept trying, the more Carmilla started to think that her skin was burning because Laura wasn't close _enough_. And it scared her.

It scared her to want. It scared her to need. But Laura was always there, and Carmilla was drowning in her.

If there was one thing Carmilla was, other than a monster, it was a realist. She knew Laura was too good for her. She knew Laura wanted nothing to do with her. And truth be told, she wanted better for Laura as well. Hell, she wanted _the_ _best_ for Laura. And she knew that the best was one thing she was not.

Still, she wanted.

So it started out as a solution that would allow her some indulgence while keeping Laura clean of her. Laura would remain untouched, unmarred by her, but she would still get to satiate her infuriatingly childish need to hold Laura close. To breathe her in. To wrap herself around her, and be surrounded by her in turn.

One day, when Laura was attending classes, Carmilla swiped her pillow off of her bed. Really, she wanted to climb into Laura’s bed, so she mentally congratulated herself on her self-control and maintaining appropriate boundaries.

With the newly-aquired treasure cradled in her arms, Carmilla crawled back into her own bed, and regarded the pillow reverently. It was _so_ fundamentally _Laura_. It was soft, but had substance. It was bright and bold. Foreign, but comforting. A fluffy piece of sunshine, warm and welcoming to her tentative touch. She slowly ran her hand across it, exploring, and tried not to hate herself at the shy smile that overtook her features. She was alone in the room, but she didn’t like to be witness to her own idiocy, even if there was no one else there to notice or hold it over her later. Her own mind was quite capable of emotional blackmail.

Pushing her pride aside and savoring the softness and comfort the stupid pile of fluff was providing her, Carmilla finally pulled it up to her face and slowly rubbed her cheek against the soft fabric where Laura laid her head every night.

She was enthralled and immediately overwhelmed. She was expecting it, anticipating it even, but the reality of it still took all the air out of her undead lungs. Because that air needed to be replaced immediately. Replaced with the scent of Laura. She smelled like spicy vanilla and the stars in the night sky. And Carmilla might not need air to breathe, but in that moment, she was pretty sure that she needed this.

So she laid down fully on her bed, wrapped her arms around the yellow pillow as if she was cradling the most precious thing in the world, and she buried her face in it, breathing deeply.

She knew it was wrong. Pathetic even. But dammit, she was weak. And she _wanted_. And Carmilla was never really good at denying herself.

Embarrassing though that was, that’s not where the trouble started. The trouble started when the initial need to be closer to Laura was satisfied. Because it turned out that when it came to Laura, Carmilla would always need _more_. So as she wrapped herself around the pillow and breathed in the scent of Laura, she felt content for only a few beautiful, brief moments before she started feeling other needs. Stronger needs.

Carmilla had always been a sensual person, and she made no apologies for it, nor was she embarrassed by it. However, she also had a strict code (not that the casual observer would care to notice), and getting sexual pleasure from someone who didn’t want her did not fit into that code. And Laura didn’t want her. Laura wasn’t hers to think about when she felt those needs arise.

But with that damn yellow pillow in her arms and Laura’s scent filling her lungs, she was finding it really difficult to remember that.

Hugging the pillow to her heart was the closest she’d been to anyone in several decades, and it made her feel safe. Warm. Comforted. How was she supposed to feel all that and still remember that Laura was not hers the way that her stolen pillow was?

But she did remember. Because Laura did not want her. Sighing, she leaned back and pushed the pillow dejectedly further away from her face. She didn’t quite have it in her to relinquish it completely, but pulling away was a start. Maybe she’d just leave it on her bed and see what Laura made of the situation.

The thought of Laura seeing her pillow in Carmilla’s bed was moderately terrifying, but she couldn’t deny that the thought made her chest tighten in ways that were not entirely unpleasant either. It was a bold move, and would thrust her secret longings out into the light of day. Would Laura be horrified? Would she burn it once she saw that her pillow it had been tainted with Carmilla’s touch? Would she be creeped out? Would she demand a new roommate?

Sitting up and slipping back on her mask of apathy, Carmilla shrugged into a leather jacket and left things as they were to be dealt with later. She figured that leaving the stupid yellow pillow on her own bed was an appropriate mix of passive-aggressive fuckery, obvious flirtation, and faux nonchalance. 

Doing her best to push the whole situation out of her mind, she stood up and made her way to the door in hopes of clearing her head by getting some fresh air. Air that didn’t smell like Laura. Which was not as good of air if you asked her, but she needed the distance to remind herself that Laura didn’t want her. Laura found her abhorrent. She gritted her teeth, grabbed her keys, and slammed the door a little harder than necessary on her way out.

………………………………….

When she came back to their room later, her goal of clearing her head had been accomplished, and the yellow pillow had been forgotten. Well, at least until the moment that she re-entered the room. Her body instantly tensed up, and she froze as she realized that Laura was there, sitting at her computer. 

Carmilla’s eyes nervously went to her bed. Her heart dropped. No yellow pillow. Damn. Laura had burned it. 

Well, at least she’d apparently had the courtesy to take it off Carm’s bed before burning it. Which, honestly, might be more than she deserved. Then again, Laura probably just didn’t want any permanent damage to her own room, which Carmilla would probably be kicked out of sooner rather than later. She was still busy processing the ramifications of her weak-ass feelings to her living situation when Laura’s voice cut into her internal self-deprecation at being so idiotic and selfish.

“Are you gonna actually come in, or do you just like lurking in the doorway of your own room like a creeper?”

Carmilla winced. Like a creeper — wait a second. Did Laura just say that this was still her room? Maybe Laura was willing to overlook her bout of creepiness . . . 

“‘Course I’m coming in, cutie. Just surprised to see you here. That’s all.”

Laura spun around slowly to face Carmilla and narrowed her eyes. “Why wouldn’t I be here? I live here.”

Carmilla mumbled something under her breath that Laura couldn’t quite decipher, but sounded suspiciously distressed, or . . . relieved? In any case, it was not nearly flirtatious enough to be considered in-character.

“You’re acting weird. Why are you acting weird?” Laura put on her menacing face (which Carmilla found utterly adorable), and lowered her voice into what she hoped was stern and reproachful. “What did you do?”

Carmilla’s mind was racing. Had she not noticed? Of course she had noticed! She’d burned the pillow! Just then a flash of yellow caught the corner of Carm’s eye. Okay, so she’d _not_ burned the pillow. It was back, safe and sound, on Laura’s bed. So . . . Laura was okay with it? Or at least okay enough to have not burned it. Actually . . . a smug smirk began to make it’s way onto Carmilla’s face as she realized that Laura hadn’t even had time to wash it before placing it back in her own bed. So maybe — just maybe — Laura didn’t find Carmilla entirely as abhorrent as she let on.

Meanwhile, Laura watched Carmilla’s face shift from panic, to confusion, to mischief. “You know what? I don’t even wanna know,” and she turned back to her computer to continue working on her lit paper.

Interesting. Well, Carmilla now had some new thoughts to explore, and she might even have some fun pushing Laura’s boundaries a bit to see just how unperturbed Laura was at their close proximity.

………………………………….

Several pairs of short shorts, some see-through shirts, and a couple shower exits later, Carmilla was becoming less and less convinced that Laura didn’t want her. Which was a problem. 

Well actually, it was kind of fantastic. But also it was a problem. Because Carmilla had not stopped stealing the yellow pillow. And it was becoming harder and harder to resist the temptation to touch herself while thinking about Laura. While she could smell her. It turned her on and drove her crazy, but she wasn’t about to take that step if it meant disrespecting Laura. And Laura might not want that. Dammit. Laura _does not_ want that, Carmilla mentally corrected herself. 

Still, that was becoming harder and harder to believe when Carmilla saw the way that Laura’s eyes followed her body and drank her in when she thought Carmilla was too busy reading to notice. Or the way that Laura’s breath picked up and her heart started to race whenever Carmilla changed clothes in front of her. (Yeah, that had totally been intentional.)

But the pillow. It was confusing. Whenever Laura left the room, Carmilla would steal it and claim it for her bed. But as soon as Carmilla left, Laura would take it back. What did it mean? Did Laura _actually_ not understand why Carmilla was stealing it? Was she uncomfortable with the implication, but unwilling to bring it up? Did she . . . Carmilla faltered even at the thought. It was too much to hope for. But . . . did she put it back on her own bed because after Carmilla had hugged it close for so long, it actually started to smell a bit like Carm?

Because sometimes, when Carmilla kept it for too long, Laura’s scent started to fade, and it would make her a bit sad. She would scowl at the dumb thing for reminding her that all good things run out and would eventually leave her. She bled things dry, and sucked all the beauty and goodness out of them. She’d storm out in frustration and then get choked up when, upon her return, the yellow pillow would be back on Laura’s bed. Perfect as ever, and right where it belonged. It smelled like the stars again, and Carmilla would hoard it all over again.

She knew she ought to just leave it be; stop ruining it. But it smelled like Laura again. Which meant that Laura had been holding it close. So . . . so, what did that mean? Probably nothing.

Carmilla sighed and internally chastised herself. “Don’t be such an idiot. Even if she likes the way your body looks when you’re naked, that doesn’t mean she wants to smell you or hold you close to her. Those are your own ill-conceived desires.”

Speaking of ill-conceived desires . . . Carmilla had quite a few.

Honestly it’s a testament to her self-control that it hadn’t happened earlier considering how _much_ she wanted and how self-indulgent she normally was. She wasn’t proud of it, but it happened.

One time when she was reveling in her weakness, holding the pillow close in her bed and breathing in the scent of Laura, her right hand started to wander lower. As if it had a mind of its own, her hand made it’s way down, unbuttoned her pants, and began touching over her underwear before she had really given it permission to do so or even had time to stop herself. But as soon as she felt it, there was no more room for rational thought. There was only want, and need, and desire. For Laura.

It felt like heaven and the very best of hell to be completely wrapped in thoughts of her beautiful, fiery, sexy, tiny roommate while simultaneously feeling how wet those thoughts were making her. Her underwear was pretty quickly ruined, so Carmilla figured that she may as well dispense with clothing before the situation became more uncomfortable.

Quickly getting back to it, Carmilla’s hand found it’s way back to her slick folds, and a moan escaped her lips as she imagined it was Laura’s touch rather than her own. And that proved to be her ruin. Because then she started to think about all the things she would do if Laura was there.

She bit down on her own shoulder as the imagined slowly undressing Laura until they were both laid bare. She thought how she would pull Laura into bed on top of her and kiss down her neck and then back up to her jawline. She wondered what noises Laura would make if she slipped one of her legs between Laura’s hips and pulled Laura down into her. She imagined how it would feel to have Laura’s bare pussy rubbing against her, dripping down onto her. The thought sent a shiver through her body, and she whimpered loudly.

But in all the time she’d known her, Laura had never taken a backseat in any endeavor, and she didn’t imagine this would be any different. So Carmilla began to wonder what Laura would do, what Laura would want. After all, she’d seen the hunger in her eyes. 

She imagined Laura grinding down on her hard and leaning down to take one of Carmilla’s nipples into her mouth. Oh how she wished she could make that thought a reality! But for now, she just pinched her own nipple and allowed her mind to continue to let the scenario play out. Laura would use her tongue and give equal attention to both sides before sliding down and slowly traversing Carmilla’s stomach with open-mouth kisses. Carmilla could hear how Laura would hum to herself as she worked her way down, seemingly savoring each inch of the expanse of skin as she got closer and closer to Carmilla’s hips (which were becoming increasingly restless).

Laura would laugh at her and hold her hips down while sucking at the skin on the outside of her hipbones.

Why was this so easy and so intense? Carmilla didn’t usually have this vivid of fantasies when she got herself off, but something about this just felt so effortless and so _right_. She wasn’t really even trying, and it was all just coming to her more clearly than she thought it probably should. But she wasn’t about to stop now. It was _so good_. Touching herself, thinking of Laura. She imagined what it would be like if Laura let Carmilla touch _her_. Her breath immediately picked up and another flood of arousal met her fingers below.

What would Laura feel like? Would Laura get this wet? Probably not. She was _really_ wet. One thing was for sure: Carmilla had a pretty good idea what Laura _smelled_ like. She let out another primal grunt at that and slipped a finger inside herself. She really couldn’t hold back anymore. God, she wanted to taste that smell. She wanted it on her breath and in her lungs. She wanted to consume it like it had consumed her. She let out a whimper at the thought of her tongue on Laura, between her legs. She thought about sucking on Laura’s pussy as she touched her own, and she turned her head to the side to bury it in that damned yellow pillow. She could feel and smell Laura all around her, but it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.

 

“HOLY HUFFLEPUFF I CAN SEE YOUR STUFF!!!”

 

Carmilla suddenly jerked to reality, horrified as Laura Hollis stood frozen in the doorway, staring at her. And yeah, normally Carmilly didn’t mind the staring, but this was not exactly the most ideal situation. The good news was that Laura Hollis didn’t have a subtle bone in her body, and judging by the interjection, Carmilla was pretty sure Laura hadn’t been there for more than a second, so she probably hand’t seen too much. Except she had. Because Carmilla was too much. And she was naked. And touching herself. While thinking about . . . 

They were both frozen in place, unsure what to do, for what felt like an eternity. Finally, Laura realized that she’d been accidentally ogling her naked roommate from the doorway and had the decency to turn away and finish closing the door, her face flushing bright red. “Um, sorry. I didn’t mean to . . . I wasn’t . . . I mean, I didn’t want to see you touching yourself. Not like, I didn’t _want_ to see you, because duh. You’re like, really hot. Which is not an appropriate thing to say to your roommate who is naked in front of you. Sorry. I mean. Hi. I’m home now. Hey. I’m a person. Present. So if you wanna stop touching yourself, that’s probably . . . actually, I think I’m just gonna go. I think I shouldn’t be here right now. Bye. Have fun! Not — not fun, like _fun_. I just meant enjoy your body. Yourself! Not your _body_! I wasn’t enjoying your body. I mean — I wasn’t _looking_ at your body. I mean. Whose body? I have a body. No big deal. Yours is pretty great though. Not that I was looking — ”

“Breathe.”

Laura turned back around to face Carmilla. “Um, yeah. I would, but you’re kinda still very naked, and it’s a little hard to carry a conversation with you . . . you know.”

Carmilla chuckled. “Really? Could’ve fooled me. Seems like you were talking enough for the both of us.”

Carmilla still made no effort to cover up, enjoying that Laura was at least sharing in her mortification. But that turned out to be a mistake because Laura was still looking, and she was biting her lip. That was it. Carmilla’s self-control snapped. She felt her muscles clench at the sight and let out a low growl. “Do you wanna know what I was thinking about?”

Laura’s mind short-circuited. “Like last week? Or while you were reading that book yesterday, or—“

“No, cupcake. I meant do you wanna know what I was  thinking about that made me so fucking wet that I had to take off my clothes and fuck myself.”

Laura’s throat went dry. “Oh, that,” she squeaked. “Um, I’m good. I’m sure—“

“It was you. It’s always you. But this time it was your smell. And I was thinking about how much I wanted to taste that smell. To taste _you_. And I was imagining what it would be like if you let me fuck you with my tongue, and I was fingering myself while I thought about it.” Carmilla began touching herself again at the words.

Laura’s eyes were wide. She made a sound, but Carmilla couldn’t really decipher if it was supposed to be words or not. She figured she’d keep going until Laura told her otherwise (which yeah, that’s really not how consent works, but Carmilla figured she was only touching herself anyway). “I wanna know what it feels like to have my tongue buried inside of you. I want to feel you all around me and taste you while you come undone. Fuck, Laura. I _want_ you.”

“Stop.”

Carmilla instantly froze. Fuck.

She _knew_ it. Carmilla _knew_ deep down that Laura didn’t want her — couldn’t possibly — but hearing it straight out was more painful than she would like to admit, or even could’ve imagined. Well, now what? She had fucked this up pretty royally. Where could she go from here?

She began to sit upright and tried to reach for something to cover herself. “Laura, I’m _so_ sorry. I didn’t mean —“

“Stop,” Laura didn’t let her finish. “ _In more ways than one,”_ Carmilla’s unhelpful and extremely frustrated internal voice quipped.

Laura reached out and grasped Carmilla’s wrists, halting her attempts to accommodate her sudden desire for modesty. “You’ve been touching yourself and thinking about me?”

Laura’s weight shifted so she was almost fully on the bed, practically straddling Carmilla. Carmilla was pretty sure that breathing was a thing that she normally tried to do, but she was very grateful in this moment that it wasn’t strictly as requisite for her as it was for most people. She was _pretty_ sure she should be trying to figure out whether or not Laura was mad and/or hated her, but _damn_ she was gay, and her brain refused to focus on or register anything other than the fact that there was a cute girl above her, pinning her down. In her defense, she _had_ gotten interrupted, and she was still extremely wet from earlier.

“Answer the question, Carm.” Laura added a bit more pressure, and Carmilla had to fight to kill the sound that tried to escape her throat.

_Words. Words are things. Laura wants words. She wants an answer. Answer her, dumbass!_

Carmilla nodded dumbly and made a sound that was far higher in pitch than anything Laura had ever heard from her before. Laura pushed down laughter, because as adorable as Carm was being right now, she really wanted to shift the tone into a different, less PG direction, and laughing would not help accomplish that. 

“In that case, do you wanna know what _I_ think about?”

_What the hell is she talking about?_

Carmilla was pretty sure that she should be following the conversation, but she was still very naked and being held down in her bed by the woman she was just fantasizing about so . . . distracted. In any case, Carmilla was pretty sure that she wanted to know just about anything Laura was willing to share with her, so it wasn’t too much of a stretch to decide on a tentative, if not breathless, “Tell me.”

“When you’re out late and I’m all alone, I picture you back here with me. I tried to steal your pillow one night, but it doesn’t smell as much like you as my yellow one does. So I steal it back and try to feel you close to me. I imagine you in my bed, making love to me. I’ve pictured your mouth on me and your fingers inside me, filling me up. _Fucking_ me. I touch myself and I wish it was you, and I feel so _stupid_ for wanting it, because I was _sure_ you’d never want me. Dorky little Laura. But I can’t help myself, because you’re annoyingly sexy and I’m like, _really_ gay. 

So I fuck you in my mind and then pretend that its enough. But it’s not. It’s never enough. And now . . . now you’re saying that you might possibly want me too, and now it’s too much, and I need you to stop because if you don’t then I won’t be able to hold back anymore.”

“Cupcake, you’re straddling me and you have me naked, pinned to my bed. If this is you holding back, I can’t wait to see what moves you've been hiding when we really get started.”

Carmilla was not disappointed. 

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written anything other than nonfiction before, so . . . what'd'ya think? Shall I continue? Should I spend more time on this? Write other fics? Go crawl into a cave and never return? Lemme know!
> 
> I also has a tumblr, but I don't know how to tumbl. So it's just an empty blog of confusion atm, but I'm chickensinks over there. 
> 
> While we're on the subject of my incompetence, I also have no idea how to use this website, so feel free to holler at me if I'm using it wrong. Like, did I format something wrong? What the heck am I supposed to tag? Is this thing even ON???


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